Miley Cyrus vs. Limey Stylists

Have you been following this feud between Miley and Radiohead? Apparently, she is (or, rather, was) a big fan of the English band and wanted more than anything in the whole world (in that particular way only a sixteen year old girl can truly want something) to meet them at the Grammy Awards a few weeks ago. Her agent tried to arrange it, but was met with a casual smackdown from Thom Yorke and his band mates ("We don't really do that," was the response). Of course, the spurned teenie-bopper threw a bit of a tantrum, resulting in a statement from Radiohead that she needs to "grow up".

So, my questions to Yorke & Co. are these: Is there a proper channel one should pass through to approach your ivory tower? Were you too busy preparing yourselves to mumble and groan your way through a set to take time for an earnest fan? Or was it something more insidious? Do you feel it would be beneath you to accept an audience with the current princess of preteen pop? Didn't want to end up caught in a photo op that might mistake someone to connect you with the rest of the music industry, did you?

Personally, I think it is just simple elitism, in its ugliest state. And I can think that, seeing as this is my blog and I am therefore contractually obligated to commit acts of uninformed speculation.

I have a real problem with elitism. An elitist has made up his mind about something, and sneers at any and all opposing viewpoints. Intellectually, it's cheating. It's a short cut. You can sneer down upon things you feel are sub-par, which saves you having to take the time to really consider it and find its value. And I've found that there's value in nearly everything. You have to dig a little to find it in most cases, and that value may not actually carry any weight for you and your corner of existence, but it has weight for someone somewhere, and it is our job to find and appreciate that weight in any and all attempts at art. Otherwise, we risk just looking like an asshole. Do I like Coldplay? Hell, no. But I can see that their music has inspired a slew of half-assed attempts to mimic their sound (would you be having the Keane or the Snow Patrol today, sir?). I know people who take great pleasure in their music. It strikes a chord. There's value in that. Twilight? Don't get me started on that train wreck of a literary "achievement". Still, I know several people (all girls, strangely) who find the drawn-out sturm and drang of a doomed relationship heart-flutteringly absorbing. I guess Whedon didn't scorch the earth with this theme enough on Buffy. I'll take time out of any busy day to mock the angst of "Twilight", but I'm aware I risk looking like an asshole when I do. Doesn't make it any less fun, though.

This brings me back to Radiohead. You guys look like a bunch of assholes. She's sixteen, and a fan. Of course she's going to throw a hissy when you guys diss her. You tell her to "grow up" because elitists can't possibly brook anyone with the slightest shred of innocence. Have you ever met an innocent elitist? Probably not. Elitism comes part and parcel with the wholesale surrender of innocence. I've been through a truckload of shit in my life, and seen a lot of harrowing moments, but I still cling proudly to whatever vestiges of naive idealism I can still dig my fingernails into. Meanwhile, I've watched good, intelligent people over the years push theirs away with reckless abandon, only to find sadness and melancholy seeping in to take its place. I'll take the peace and hope of my Peter Pan complex, thanks. The pirates of the good ship Radiohead need to get over themselves. Go for the photo op. Maybe even crack a smile. Maybe she'll let you on her show. Maybe you could meet Dolly Parton, and you could back her up on "I Will Always Love You", then she could perform "Creep". It'd be a choice set.

Just think, Thom, you might just restore a little of the naivete of a sixteen year old girl, and if that's not worth the trouble of doing, nothing is. Innocence is a fading resource in our culture, and once it's gone, the world is going to be a much more wretched place than any of us can imagine. One of the most sacred duties of adulthood is to preserve and protect the innocence of youth for as long as possible. So get off your lazy, elitist ass and restore a little innocence, will you?